The Helicopter Mom's Workout

What is a helicopter mom? Someone who hovers. And by "hover" I mean did-not-put-your-baby-down-the-first-year-of-their-life. Like me :] It's the mom that never ever gets a babysitter unless the grandparents are available. The one that showers only twice a week when the timing is juuuust right and jumps out early when she thinks she might have heard the baby stir. You get the idea. This is me. And although I've made things really hard on myself, I can't say I'd change much. No matter how crazy things get sometimes I can't bring myself to let my tiny princess cry for hours on end so that she'll be on a perfect schedule. And even though I want that killer bod and would love to be able to go to the gym, I just don't trust a complete stranger with my child. So I try to get done what I can, when I can and the rest of the time is devoted to a two and a half foot tall human. As my brother recently said, "How could something so little have so much power?!"
That's how. (look at that face... resistance is futile. )

Here's the deal. My most productive times during the day are nap times. This is when I rush to do the dishes (by hand, boo hiss), fold some laundry (otherwise it is immediately UNfolded by the aforementioned 2.5 ft human), make the bed, clean up toys, put everything away in the bathroom, and fold and put back all the clothes Little One has thrown out of the dressers. If I can get that accomplished I don't feel like a failure. If there is still more time I jump in the shower. All these tasks, when child is awake take roughly 57 times the amount of time they should reasonable take. Non-nap times are spent feeding baby, playing with baby, and taking half the day getting ready to run simple errands with the baby. So in order to get in any form of exercise I had to be creative and find things that were super effective in a small amount of time. And now I bring you...The Workout.

ARMS

Find something that weighs 24 pounds and lift/carry/hold them several hours a day. Throw them up in the air and catch or pump up and down while laying flat on your back for extra sets. If this doesn't give you a strong set of arms, I don't know what to tell ya. For the back of the arms I've started doing those chair dip thingys.

BADUNKADUNK

Or "fadoomphadoomph" as my dad would say. Now this is a big focus in my life. I want nothing more than to have a nice derriere. So far, not so good. But I'm hoping to change that soon since I have found the Holy Grail of butt workouts.

Ooooooooooh yes. That's right. Don't plan on walking for a couple days after this lil' nugget. Talk about sore. And not to mention I think my buddy Will Ferrel gets all of his inspiration from the instructor. I think they were twins separated at birth except this guy is not outrageous on purpose. Oh and be ready to feast your eyes on the two guys that look like they came from a russian circus. Moving on.

TUMMY

Good news. This one only takes 15 minutes 2-3 times a week. Even greater news...you probably won't even last that long. Awhile ago I mentioned P90X. I know a lot of people are starting to get into it and it is totally legit. I just at this point do not have an hour to devote at one time to an intense workout. If you do, I highly recommend it (quote from Tony himself). However if you can get ahold of the Ab Ripper X routine you won't regret it. Hurts so good. SO good. And really bad, if we're being technical. You just might be able to find it on youtube.

CARDIO

Running around after your child, parking at the end of the parking lot, all that is great. But it would be ideal if you could snag this ancient Schwinn Air-Dyne from an 80 year old lady your dad did a couple construction jobs for. Behold:

*the bike shown in picture is not mine, but the exact model and color of mine.

Classy, timeless, freakishly heavy. Mine came equipped with a massive book stand for some light reading while I'm gettin my cycling on. Another plus, it generates a lot of air flow that keeps you nice and cool during your workout. But be ready to invest in some goggles because it sure dries your eyeballs out in a hurry.

I mix and match all of these as opportunities present themselves. I'm looking forward to warm weather so I can add running/walking- with-exaggerated-foot-lifts-to-look-like-i'm-running behind my nifty jogging stroller. Happy exercising!